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Salaams and Good Morning !

Here is your daily dose of Wisdom for Living Your Best Self!

In the subcontinent and east African cultures, there is a kind of apology which is somewhat unique: we get an email or a text message before someone is going on a spiritually significant journey. And they want to do this with a clean slate. And so they send a mass message blast to all their contacts which goes something like this:

I am sorry if I have ever done anything, intentionally or unintentionally to hurt you. Please forgive me.

This is a generic apology: basically another form of non-apology that does not apologize directly to the injured or insulted party, but rather generically "to anyone who might have been offended"

If you are on the receiving end of such a message, the following thoughts might cross your mind:

Yes, you have offended me. I am hurt and this is not good enough. You need to please take responsibility for the specific action and apologize for it.
Nope you have not. Why are you apologizing?
Well, have you? Have you done something to me that I am not aware of?? Hmm, this is very suspicious.

Who is this? They are not in my contact list and why are they sending me this message.

It is highly unlikely that a person who receives such a message will excuse our behaviour if it was significant. And also unlikely that they will remember it if it was insignificant. In any case, an apology like this does not meet any criteria for a sincere apology so please let us stop using it, okay?
Thank you.
Wishing you a day full of positivity, purpose and peace.
Warm blessings

Marzia  

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Lots more resources on living your best self www.marziahassan.org

Have you listened to the podcast yet?
Family Connections Podcast

Here are some book recommendations on learning how to apologize

Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by Harriet Lerner PhD, Cassandra Campbell, et al.

Sorry About That: The Language of Public Apology. By Edwin Battistella

When Sorry Isn't Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas

Art of the Apology: How, When, and Why to Give and Accept Apologies by Lauren M. Bloom

Effective Apology: Mending Fences, Building Bridges, and Restoring Trust by John Kador

On Apology by Aaron Lazare

The Power of Apology: Healing Steps to Transform All Your Relationships by Beverly Engel

The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman


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